TrainAmazing

2 Gym workouts and Muay Thai today as well as working on my yoga teaching training.

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Less and less do I truly believe being sentimental or empathetic is an advantage. I hate to say it but it’s true. Of course there are still lines of morality I will not cross. But ‘advantage’ is the word I want to focus on here.

I used to feel like the world was one big great beautiful community. Call me jaded, but now I don’t truly believe it is so. In an earlier post, I talked about wanting to be the type of person who could stare the void and fallenness of this world in the face and be unmoved.

I should be more grateful though, and in a better mood and for the most part, I am improving in both these areas… It doesn’t all happen at once.

As my therapist said “you have only been this new version of Matthew for a few months now.” That’s true and a lot has changed in those three months. I feel like I’m being restored to who the younger version of me really wanted to grow up to be. How delightful.

But it’s actually that younger version of myself’s permission that I seek to recognize the self-interested, selfish, cruel, head-in-the-sand, explicitly and complicitly abusive ways of others.

Maybe it’s a sign of the leadership around the world that is breeding a dog-eat-dog culture but this is just not how I saw the direction and tone of the human race going.

And while, yes, I do believe that where your focus goes, the universe grows… just sometimes I’m so sad for all of us. I have so many questions that cannot be answered by anyone.

Where is God in this? I really want to know. I don’t think God is going to come down and save us from this mess. And I think religions that teach complete dependence on God or the church are extremely harmful in exactly these situations. And perhaps were designed to create these types of situations where the citizenry feel altogether impotent.

Why are the masses of people such unquestioning followers? How could anyone be so bent on taking the path of least resistance that they choose blindness to doom. It doesn’t make sense and it’s completely breaking my faith in humanity.

So I’m sharpening my teeth and with a heavy heart I am adjusting. Step by step I am adjusting.